What's annoying me today

0 x 0 x 0 / 118 = 0 And I'm only 118 miles from the City Ground, so I'm a thoroughly useless plastic bastard. Then again, change 'living close to the ground' to 'born close to the ground' and I'm back in the competition. (Bathley Street).

I continue to subscribe to DAZN in order to watch Championship football. I have zero interest in the Champions League.

Similar. I was following Ipswich v Watford last night.

It's good in principle but us proper fans only deal in quantifiable facts, number of games/pints/shirts/miles. A justified appraisal is clearly plastic TV fan chat rather than FACT.

For my peak season of fanage (2000/2001) I had 2 shirts, lived in Radcliffe , comfortably had 6 pints pre-match and went to all the games so I get a score of 112.8.

This formula is clearly a work of genius.

Because I’d only ever wear a forest shirt if I was in the starting lineup (or perhaps on the bench) I feel I’m destined for an eternally low score.

That said, I haven’t officially retired from international football yet so never say never.

And I’m clearly too busy and let a whole day go by without challenging Ingo’s rubbish “proper fan” formula. I’m a bit annoyed because that’s potentially a good challenge but he’s ruined it with pints of Madri (not even a proper Spanish beer, don’t you know) and replica shirt bollocks.

I'm pretty sure we all agreed that Madri was delivered fresh to the barrel directly from the nutsacks of the most patriotic Spanish bulls.

Well, and obviously he's got it arse about face by rewarding people for living closer to the CG when distance traveled x number of visits is clearly the correct calculation for that part of the equation, albeit perhaps with some degree of weighting as clearly someone who travels from Luton to the WFCG (100 miles) for one game is not as good a fan as someone who travels from Radcliffe to the WFCG (5 miles) for twenty games.

Sounds like square of the number of games times distance would do the job. Maybe square rooting the resultant answer.

Edit. And maybe a 1+ any item that could be zero to avoid wiping out anyone who fails on one criteria.

(I do have a lot of actuaries work for me....)

There's some excellent input here and I agree the formula does have an unfortunate tendency to give out a 0 to disenfranchised grump old blokes which is a flaw, just because they have forgotten their roots and/or blame the Russians for everything does not mean they are not a good fan, just that they can do better.

We must not lose sight of the point of this though, it is to reward proper fans and weed out the plastic bastards. 2 other key things that need to be worked in are length of service and also if you were born in Nottingham or into a Forest supporting family. Suggestions welcome but I'll work on the revised formula today. In the mean time by a shirt, they are only 20 quid.

Who died and made you the formula king? You can’t just waltz up and take someone’s job. There’s talkback fucking protocol.

What if I started printing T-shirts or blagging £12 for a fictitious motor racing career? Eh? Eh?

I wasn’t born into Nottingham or into a Forest supporting family so would argue extra points required for actively chasing down this shite.

I’ve often found those that have had a season ticket for 20 years after their dad made them have one and can hop on a bus or walk to the games are the least bothered.

I think there does need to be a complacency discount.

Just to clarify: when did you start supporting Forest and what was your local alternative/family club?

Well someone had to step up and try and bring some order seeing as the debate has descended into 3 tramps arguing over half a ham sandwich they had found under a park bench.

I look forward to the submission of your entry.

Actually, you crack on and submit. As the more established expert in the area, I will then critique it and provide feedback. Think of it like a PhD viva. It’s how all good science is done.

My early advice is to take “pints of Madri” out as a domain. Not only is it not a proper beer but automatically excludes those who don’t drink.