Mundane Moments

It's all good fun until you want to get pissed up on a train.

Or install a log burner.

We are legion. So, in conclusion, it's bollocks.

If you're Legion then I think you're Rome / Lazio.

Just driving past Toton

Booooooo!

Been at Alicante airport since 8.00, flight cancelled and now travelling at 4.00pm tomorrow.

Bloody easyJet.

What are you, Callum Hudson Odoi or something?

Chicago: whipping one in.

I used to enjoy Subbuteo as well.

He got a cross in, so obviously not.

Man just knocked on the door trying to sell resin driveways. Told him big fibs.

Told him it’s a rental (lie), when asked if the landlord might be interested in having work done soon I told him we were emigrating to Canada in a year (lie) so the landlord (doesn’t exist) might have work done then.

It was the highlight of a very mundane morning.

Got a call from a conservatory seller once, shortly after moving in to a new place. Apparently the previous owner had been seriously considering it.

Was tempted to set an appointment so he could come around and explain where, precisely, the previous owner planned to install a conservatory on my second storey flat.

On Fridays I get calls from people in Manchester trying to give me a boiler as mine is over 10 years old (it isn't) which I can have for free as I'm on benefits (I am not currently). I give them the phone number of my mates who in the same breath I accuse of being dossers with boilers that are "well old".

Normally about 5 minutes after I get a WhatsApp message calling me a cunt.

We had a spate of cold calls about expensive new stuff for the house a while back. I'd thank them for their interest but apologise and say we didn't have a kitchen/bathroom/toilet/electricity/windows, etc.

There would usually follow a confused silence, some stuttering and the caller would then end the call themselves quite quickly.