Mundane Moments

Garlic powder is right for dry rubs

I will grant this. But never in sauce.

Had to pop to the shop first thing and decided to walk - was raining but not too heavily. Went past loads of kids from Little Miss BW's school without coats.

Now there are many things about getting old that are really shit, but losing the ability to muster any fucks whatsoever about whether someone else thinks you look a dick in a coat is not one of them.

There is a kid on the other side of our street who never seems to wear any footwear.

Well stop nicking his shoes, you cunt.

This is how it starts. Next thing you know you'll be all about date nights with this one and using sleeps as a metric of time when counting down to holibobs. It's a slippery slope.

I dunno, “popping out for a bit” or “nipping to the shops” etc have been in my lexicon for decades. Long before I’d ever heard hollibobs or sleeps.

"I'm going to the loo" annoys me. Toilet, bathroom, perfectly acceptable words. The loo? No other English speaking country uses the word. Made something up for no reason.

A friend of mine says "I'm going toilet". Makes it sound like she's pissing herself. Winds me up.

My son in law says he's going to drop off the kids.

Makes me feel ill. Loo is far more preferable.

Is she from Stoke? They seem to hate the word 'to' and remove it wherever they can. See also: substituting 'to' with 'for'. Proper weird.

As in: "I need go Tesco for do the shopping..."

I was thrown the first time my Donny friends said “while” instead of “until” when talking about time. “Five while nine”, etc.

“Dropping the kids off at the pool” is a fairly common US expression for taking a dump. Never heard anyone from the UK use it.

My grandad used to talk about “visiting the House of Lords” for some reason. Never did find out where he got that one from.

I tell my missus “I’m going fishing for a brown trout” which she dislikes, but she really hates me saying that “I’m off to slit the lizard’s gizzard.”

So I say both a lot.