Things I Can't Say on LinkedIn

Just what in name of merry FUCK are you babbling on about you massive fucking weapon.

We're hiring! If you are under 30 and want to apply please start by telling us what you can do rather than a droning list of what you can't. PS, you are not as special as your mummy told you you are.

I used to listen to the Peter Crouch podcast. For a while it was entertaining and but it soon became tired and boring. When that prick co-host dj asked people to ‘slide into their DMs’ it sent me over the edge and I unsubscribed. Fucking spanner.

I stopped listening around the time of the Crouchfest bollocks and endless Brewdog plugging.

I had a dynamic synergy with the team and allies which empowered me to stay ahead of the curve in a crowded space.

Maybe it's just me, but 'sliding into someone's DMs' sounds more than slightly rapey.

Sounds like something a Jimmy Saville of the day would say.

Or possibly Michael Hutchence before asking you to give him a moment.

Probably said by our very own jamesebp.