The Big Red Survival Train vs Cole Palmer FC

I stuck a fiver on, just to console me should it happen.

No part of me would enjoy this one bit.

I’m beginning to get really tired of the sense of foreboding that I get the night before our games. Spurs and West Ham are possibly the flakiest of the upper mid table sides right now and Chelsea appear to have hit top form at a terrible time for us.

Famous last words maybe but I can't see Burnley beating Spurs. I can see Luton beating West Ham and us going into the last day ahead on goal difference.

And let's not forget we were bloody awful for a large part of last week's game.

I'm expecting to need a win at Burnley, I'll worry about that game next week.

My plan is to stay up and watch the Burnley and Luton games, which kick off midnight, see them both lose, and then be able to fuck off to bed not giving a fuck when we go 3-0 down after 25 minutes.

Nothing can go wrong.

Fundamentally no chance I'll see any of it live. Still, it would be nice to wake up to good news, unlike the Everton game, where I dreamt that I woke up and checked the score was 1-3 to us and went back to sleep.

Here we are and here we are and here we go, we're going crazy and we're going today.

Absolutely no way is this done before our game v Chelsea kicks off. That wouldn’t be the forest way

That is the most likely outcome - opta, for example, have them at 56%, 63% and 46% respectively.

Barbecue in the sun on Wilford Lane with family while drinking beer and watching the Luton game, then to the match. Perfect day. What could possibly go wrong?

Burnt sausages.

Best get some suncream on your sausage, Charlie.

Solid start