Big life stuff

Naughty. I am quite fulfilled and I am sure you buggered off to Croatia a lot in the past. Also Bhutan is a tad different in that the money there goes to helping the environment and the locals and etc etc. Not the reason I would like to go, but it isn't a bad way to spend money. I am dreadfully busy and take this trips to avoid burn out. The house has caused me to not be able to go anywhere for at least a year and it is something I have always done and will continue to do so. I have a lot of things at my house which cost more to keep the carbon footprint down and am happy to do so. Solar/Heat Pumps, Composts/cycling as much as possible etc etc but that is neither here nor there. This thread is about trying to work through an issue in life. I have way more things I need to worry about and I hardly travel unless it's for a holiday. Having said that a trip is always good for the brain. As I get older I actually get more antisocial and like the quiet and reading and less people. It's probably not good for me. Although I spend way way too much time at work with clients who exhaust me... Balance. The Only advice I can give is that don't look to blame your partner if you are unhappy unless she is directly causing this distress. I suspect that this is not the case and she is happy doing what works for her and is possibly stuck in her ways and you Russ are restless because you don't want to be. My married life has been utter chaos since day one and only recently Wifey has found some personal happiness with herself. Quit drinking, Fasting, exercise, confidence, work satisfaction. It's been an utter delight. Bored? I fucking wish I was bored sometimes. Sounds nice.

Chicago: All over the place.

Thanks. You and me going to a far flung corner of Asia in some kind of weird re-enaction of Sideways sounds like quite the trip.

I don't know that I'm looking for permission to, so much as try to organise all these scrambled thoughts as to whether I could or should, or if I'm just having a mental. To Jim7's point, I look to any point in the future and I see no way in which things are in any way different. The only reasons I can see for not doing it are that a) it's a terrible idea financially, b) the idea of being a sad 50something swinger is a bit pathetic, and c) she doesn't deserve it. But a) is a large part of how I got here and no good reason to be miserable, b) is easily avoidable by simply not doing it, and if I stay and keep being miserable then we'll likely still end up at c).

It's good advice and it's mostly right - she's certainly not to blame directly for my unhappiness, but she just as certainly has some of her own.

Talk to her.

But before you do, know that the conversation will roll as it does and lead to change, some of which you might not like.

But, from what you've written here, change is what you need.

In itself, there is nothing wrong with any of this. I don’t know if that matters at all, but a perfectly content person could have that relationship and do those things. There are things you need to have in your life and this is you doing what you need to have them. I also have a season ticket for a shit team, which I have because I get to go and be on my own at scheduled times, doing a thing that my partner will never want to come along to. I used to feel bad about that, but I realised it’s healthy.. individually and as part of a relationship. You shouldn’t think of your season ticket being an excuse to get away, it’s not, it’s part of you doing something that you need to do. Whether Mrs Russ sees is that way, or would be able to if you framed it that way.. I dunno.. but if not then that’s a problem. Spouses.. partners.. best friends.. they should all be on board with us taking care of ourselves.

Seems like there are two parts to your situation. The state/future of your relationship, and dissatisfaction with your life. Maybe the relationship is an insurmountable barrier to you having what you need in life, or maybe not.. maybe you can change other things and do more of what you want to do (and less of what you don’t) and that simply be part of an evolution of your relationship. A happier Mr Russ might lead to a happier Mrs Russ. Maybe not, but just as it’s good to air your grievances with a pack of webmongs to help you organise your thoughts, it’s good to talk to your ‘best friend’ to see what she thinks.

Ms Noodlé’s health gets in the way of both of us living as we’d like, but we talk about what we each want and need, where those things are compatible and incompatible, and we’re quite well aligned. I just had a weekend away doing a thing.. I enjoyed being away from her, she enjoyed me being away. It’s fine. We want each other to have as much agency over their lives as possible.

100% yes. You might even be surprised or pleased with what she says. She deserves to know how you feel because she has a life to live as well.

Lockdown was very good for me and the Mrs. We had forgotten that we quite like each other. So we ended up listening to more music, smoking a little more weed, going to see more bands more regularly and, frankly, shagging more often. Before someone states the obvious that it looks like just a win for me, she actually does like to do that kind of shit. There's also a bit more permission to prod each other out of complacency. She will fall in to doing nothing for quite a while as she has a high stress job in a school which drains her so I will make sure we go out to a beach or a bar or the cinema every so often.

Work wise, I am BORED. Cant do anything else much until we can sell the business as I have too much value sunk into it. Ive got a small share of a start up which adds some interest.

I suspect you and the good lady might benefit from professional counselling that you are seeking but unlikely to find on this board of mongs.

And definitely go to Bhutan with Chicago.

I think daily reports from this trip will be beneficial to the mood of the rest of us on this Board, let alone the effects on you two.

Gammon and Mince, the senior tour?

If Ingo went with them it could be Meat and 2 Veg.

No need to talk to her just whatsapp her the URL for this thread or ask her to Google Forest + russ + webmong and job's a goodun.

Or he could request Google to forget him, you could show him how.

All the best Russ, I haven't got any advice but hope it's just a phase and you get at least some of it figured out.

Why did you move out to the sticks? Can you move back together?

The answer to the first question has a lot of components. The answer to the second is "maybe", but I have to figure out if I'd want to.

Bhutan is ace. Or it was 25 years ago.

This is a key point to me, often between my work, a daughter who isn’t yet driving and seems to have commitments almost every night and during winter every weekend, and then with the challenges MS presents it’s very often challenging to find time for the fun things in life.

Since Senora Mus had surgery earlier this year which has helped slightly with her mobility and more importantly with her state of mind, we have consciously made sure to carve out time every weekend for us. Not easy at first but once you get into a routine has made a big difference..

And you really should go to Butan with Chicago, even if only to show you what life could be like..

But frankly, with less drinking, no meat eating and now treating Talkback like mumsnet I’m not sure this Canuck citizenship is working for you, will the real Toadfish please stand up.