Big life stuff

In the absence of KM's old Mental Health board, and possibly as a precursor to the new Scrapheap thread, figured I'd make a new thread to vent to you webmongs.

I am so fucking bored of my life. The most exciting thing about it is my job, which I genuinely enjoy, but everything else is fucking dull. It's like I'm sleepwalking to my grave, and yet I'm healthier and more full of vitality than I've ever been. I should never have moved to the country - all I seem to do is spend thousands of dollars making questionable improvements to a house I don't want to be in, and play golf with a bunch of pensioners. My wife is my best friend but our relationship is fucking dull, we're basically just roommates for all the spark there is. I create opportunities to travel for work, or to go to the city for gigs with my friends. I bought season tickets for a shit sports team 7 hours drive away to give me an excuse to get away for weekends.

I. Am. Fucking. Bored. All I want to do right now is split everything down the middle, and fuck off with my half to live in a condo in Toronto. Which objectively speaking is a really fucking stupid thing to do at 50 years old, but also seems like the most exciting thing I could possibly do right now.

Mid life crisis, you say?

I get you. I have bouts of feeling a little like that. Not so much leaving my other half (and I certainly couldn't leave my kid), but along the lines of WTF are we doing. We should be travelling the world while we still can.

You've worked and worked most of your life IIRC, and do pretty well, so I wonder if some sort of "year out" travelling with your Mrs would scratch some of the itch? Your company would probably let you take a year unpaid I suspect, and you could rent out your properties.

I do want to travel a lot more, but the last thing I want to do is take a year off work when I'm happier in this job than in any one I can remember previously. And without trying to sound like a cunt, even though I will, I don't want to go traveling with my wife. She's not great at traveling, finds it all something of a hassle, and generally makes it a bit of a miserable experience at times.

Do you think she'd entertain the idea of you going solo for a much shorter period - say three months? I get you like your job, but nobody is saying you have to give it up - just take a "sabbatical".

Of course. I'm more using this as a mechanism to organise my thoughts, than seek answers. Only I can figure those out.

Your last point is well taken.

Imagine yourself in the same position one year from now, or five or ten, and work out how you think you’d feel then. If it’s not good then you know what you need to do, tough as that sounds.
It’s not ideal but to use the old cliche, life is short so don’t waste it doing stuff you don’t want to do.

Well, that’s me out of suggestions.

Try a bit of altruism. The irony of altruistic activity is it makes the people doing it feel good about themselves. Volunteer or campaign for a cause you believe in, the more ambitious the better. Spread kindness. If it goes well, you will stop worrying about yourself and it sure as shite is cheaper than getting divorced. And if that doesn't appeal, push your mental limits by signing up for physics/philosophy degree. Again if it goes well you will stop worrying about yourself as the self pales into insignificance when your focus is on the mysteries of the universe.

Take this or leave it, but be assured it's offered with good intentions.

Whatever Trevor. Like I say, ignore if you don't like but I was trying to say something useful.

Nice try but we are talking Russ here so no chance. I was actually going to start a similar thread after RC’a little confessional the other week. So it’s good that Russ is getting the ball rolling. I have a lot to add but not much time to do it. Which means I am the opposite of bored which is also a problem in itself….

Also Russ and I am being serious, if you are interested in going to Bhutan then it is something I am looking into doing knowing full well the wifey isn’t going to be on board with that at all.

Chicago: Life passenger.

I can empathise at least, even though I don't know you at all. Moving to a smaller town has suited me, because it has put us in a better situation, helps Mme Mangetout's mental state after dreadfully burning out in science, brought us closer to family (for better and worse), and protected us from the worst of the collapsing Wellington economy. But I was brought up in villages and can't function with noise and crowds largely, so I've got different triggers.

But you do need to be edifying yourself somehow. It's not selfish to need to change and grow, it's human.

I feel a little like you're asking for permission to leave Mrs Russ, Russ. But that seems to mainly be from boredom and unless you've something to channel that into I'm not sure that being single (but in a similar environment otherwise) is going to help that much. You might shag a few 30 year olds for short term gratification, but then what.

(I always laugh at 23 year old me dumping a frankly super hot 30 year old, simply because she was 30 and too old for me. As a 44 year old man, a 30 year old is rather alluring right now. )