Big life stuff

This is a key point to me, often between my work, a daughter who isn’t yet driving and seems to have commitments almost every night and during winter every weekend, and then with the challenges MS presents it’s very often challenging to find time for the fun things in life.

Since Senora Mus had surgery earlier this year which has helped slightly with her mobility and more importantly with her state of mind, we have consciously made sure to carve out time every weekend for us. Not easy at first but once you get into a routine has made a big difference..

And you really should go to Butan with Chicago, even if only to show you what life could be like..

But frankly, with less drinking, no meat eating and now treating Talkback like mumsnet I’m not sure this Canuck citizenship is working for you, will the real Toadfish please stand up.

Do it for all of us.

Where the fuck is Bhutan anyway?

Looks proper cold.

It's Scaramanga way - an extra, smaller, Nepal.

(Famous for a happiness index, a temple, and having jam as a major export)

No idea, but I do know that the Bhutan Clan aren't nothing to fuck with.

Mad Honey actually..

Chicago: Living on the edge

How you're feeling about your life at 50 is completely understandable and normal. I'm 45, and I think the same sorts of things sometimes.

In terms of your relationship, I see the things you're concerned about a lot in my job. If you're feeling a disconnect with your wife then there's a chance she's feeling something similar. The biggest mistake I see people make in longer term relationships is letting communication break down. They stop talking and sleep walk into a relationship breakdown. She's been important enough for you to have a long term relationship with her, and she's important enough for you to post on here about how you're feeling. I'd suggest that you talk to someone like a relationship counsellor and get some advice about how to navigate your particular situation, before making any decisions you can't walk back later.

100% this ^.

Surprisingly perceptive for an Aussie, and a lawyer at that. [Winky thing waving an inflatable kangaroo]

I agree with the whole post, but this bit is so true. I'm the same age roughly and although the specifics and context are different, it feels inevitable that questions arise at this stage of life. For me it's more work and whether it has any real point to it and having kids who are now moving into new phases of their lives creating opportunities at the same time parents are into a different stage that is bringing extra responsibilities, simultaneously closing those opportunities off. It's a peculiar, transitional time that is proving frustrating to navigate.

And after that, all the rest of what Todd said too. I have a friend who recently told his wife he didn't want to be married anymore. He hadn't met anyone else, wasn't really sure what he was after, but wanted to separate. Having put her through 6 months of hell trying to come to terms with a new future she had no idea was coming her way, he changed his mind. The fact that he started the conversation with "I want to leave" was very stupid.

Frankly the admin of separating is enough to make me stay.

Very much something I'm conscious of, and want to avoid. Although I can also see an argument that had he not left, he'd never have actually been able to properly contextualise what he really wanted. Not that that's any more fair on her.

As I said in my original post - on a purely practical and financial level, it's a terrible idea. But making life decisions for financial and practical reasons is in part how I got here.

As a counterpoint, getting divorced, while horrible at the time was one of the best things I've done in the longer term.

Update for anyone who's interested: we've had a bit of a talk and I shared some of my unhappiness at my premature move to a retirement community. She shares some of that although not quite to the same degree as me. We have agreed that I will start looking into buying a condo in Toronto in order to enable a lifestyle that involves more time spent in the city, and see where that takes things.

I'm sorry to tell you that I will not be traveling with Chicago to Bhutan, although we are making plans to spend a weekend drinking in NYC next month.